Slings and Arrows

Not the 'Slings And Arrows' or outrageous fortune... but the "Slings and Arrows" of hurtful words...
I never cease to be amazed at the power of words. Unfortunately, the way we usually experience the power of words is in the negative. It’s amazing how words have the power to destroy, tear down, create distrust, disunity, disrespect and hurt. The reason this issue is very ‘raw’ with me at the moment is that I have experienced it in a very real and personal way recently. This isn’t a gripe session and I’m not ‘slamming’ anyone. But when something happens that can teach a lesson or exposes a tactic of Satan, we need to talk about it. And that is one reason I attempt to write this blog.
Recently, a very important staff member and dear friend has departed the ministry team. He and I have worked together on and off for twelve years. Granted, there is no way two type ‘A’ personalities can work together that long and not have disputes. We have faced many, many disagreements and worked through them together. But the disagreements of our past weren’t the reason for his departing. I have nothing but love and blessings in my heart for him and I am certain God will continue to use him in a powerful way. The problem is all the people ‘standing around’ the situation, speculating that something else has happened other than what was said and there has been a huge cover up of some sort. Friends, the reason my friend and I parted ways boils down to two very reasonable things. First of all, we have developed a difference in opinion over a few fundamental things that began to affect our ability to keep going in the same direction in ministry. Secondly, and certainly not the least important reason, is his family. A member of his immediate family is struggling thru a very serious, life threatening illness. Being able to devote more attention to his family during this critical time in their lives is the reason he wrote in his letter of resignation. He also stated that is daily commute to the office is a 2 hour trek, and that fact alone continues to hamper his effectiveness. (Oh, and by the way – a letter of resignation was not demanded from him.) Many of you are thinking… Okay… Reasons understood and accepted… You would think that his own words could assuage the critics and those with conspiracy theories – WRONG! And the slings and arrows of harsh attack continue. And although the handful of people who are flinging the accusations and planting innuendo have left the church, their damage remains.
I’m reminded of what Blaine Allen wrote in his book “When People Throw Stones”, “I don’t see how I can go on. I am so weary. I am so empty. And the critics just will not stop. They are on me like white on rice. The things I need to do, I just cannot do. Ministry needs… responsibilities beyond. The assault is just unbearable…”
“It’s been said widows fit one of two classes: the bereaved and the relieved. So it is with those who are widowed from ministry. Either you’ll really miss it, you hate to say goodbye; or you can hardly wait to shout, “Thank God, I am out!”
But what do you do if God chooses for you to stay there and continue to serve in ministry? “And conceivable it’s an impossible situation that right now is about to maul you to an emotional death. With a sharp eye for your faults and a blind eye for your strengths, your critics are dog determined to chew on you until there is nothing left to chew. Calvin Miller said, “Animosity cloaked in piety is a demon even if it sits in church praising the Creator.” No matter which way you turn or what direction you head, it’s right there in your face: “Hard pressed on every side… perplexed… persecuted… struck down.””
I’m sure our situation developed to this level, but the sense of hurt and woundedness is the same.
It’s amazing how my friend and I parted on good terms, but other mutual friends – or maybe I should say those we assumed were friends – can’t accept the whole thing. If it weren’t so hurtful, the whole thing would be comical. This isn’t an issue that has pervaded the entire congregation – only about a half a dozen very LOUD people who freely share their opinions with anyone who will listen. For a while, it looked as if a few folks were ready to draw lines and take up swords and arrows. I experienced some of those swords and arrows with comments from these folks like, “I’ll don’t trust you any longer.” “I feel like you betrayed me.” “I won’t be sitting under your ministry any longer.” “You have made an ungodly decision…” “It’s a power thing with you…” “I disagree with your leadership…” It’s tough when you hear those things from those who said they loved you just the day before… Maybe the account my friend and I gave for his leaving wasn’t as ‘juicy’ as the ones being passed along on the telephone. I was absolutely amazed… And most if not all of this ‘hub-bub’ was caused by half-truths, lies, made up stories and suggested scenarios… I guess that’s to be expected. It just makes you very gun shy about those you call friends. It has been said that the leader is the one out front with the arrows sticking out of his back… Any one who leads knows that feeling.
Friend, if you’re caught up in the fray of gossip, talking to others in phrases like, “Well, we need to pray for them. I’ve heard that…” And what you are communication does not serve to build up and edify the body of Christ, you shouldn’t be talking. And even if you know the truth about a certain situation, and that truth does not bless and build up a person, and increase his or her ability to effectively minister… keep you mouth shut my friend. The Bible is very clear about this. We should choose our words carefully and not tear down and destroy, but build up and bless. God will not hold us blameless for the words we so carelessly fling around hurtfully at others.
Our tongue reveals a lot of things about us. It shows the true intent of your heart. The Bible says, “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” If you say you love your brother or sister, you won’t say hurtful things about them or allow others to do that either. And the Bible also tells us that if we don’t love our brothers and sisters, the love of the Father is not in us. If someone were to tape record all the conversations you’ve had over the past couple of weeks, what would your words reveal about you? Would they show that you have a heart for God and want nothing less that God’s glory to be revealed in your life? Or would they say something entirely different? God heard all of your words this past week. James describes the tongue like a bit on a horse’s bridle or like a rudder on a ship. The person who has control of the bit and the rudder controls the direction of the horse and the ship. The only way we can gain control of our tongues is to let Jesus have complete control. Let Him direct your life and not the lurid, sinful, sinister motives of gossip and even misunderstanding. If you have been living a life of gossip, ask God for forgiveness and repent…. Make up your mind that you’re going to change the direction of your life. Maybe you need to apologize to someone you said hurtful things to in a moment of anger. The Bible says, “Brothers, out of your mouths come both blessings and curses. This should not be so…” Ezekiel says, "Get rid of all your offenses you've committed and get a new heart and a new spirit." Do that today as you hand over the reins to Jesus… Let Him take control of your tongue, your words and your life. Unbridled words are very damaging and destructive…
David experienced the wounds of such attacks. Eugene Petersen in the Message, Psalm 41, paraphrases David’s words, “My enemies are wishing the worst for me; they make bets on what day I will die. If someone comes to see me, he mouths empty platitudes, all the while gathering gossip about me to entertain the street-corner crowd. These 'friends' who hate me whisper slanders all over town. They form committees to plan misery for me.” That’s such a terrible, hurting and lonely place to be… I’ve felt that way these past weeks… because of the words of those I thought were allies yet turned out to be someone different. I am learning to pray like David went on to pray in the latter part of this Psalm… “GOD, give grace, get me up on my feet. I'll show them a thing or two. Meanwhile, I'm sure you're on my side -- no victory shouts yet from the enemy camp! You know me inside and out, you hold me together, you never fail to stand me tall in your presence so I can look you in the eye.”

Posted in: Gossip, innuendo, lies, rumors